So Miley Cyrus is the talk of the town right now. And by town I obviously mean THE WORLD. That may well have been her objective as she turned up to the VMAs on Sunday night looking ridiculous in this Dolce and Gabbana ensemble of leggings with giant beads and a crop top. And those devil-horn pigtails. Frankly, I think she is adorable in the main. But this is an ugly outfit, you have to admit.

Then she popped out on stage in a spangle-tastic cartoon leotard — body looking all kinds of awesome — and managed to capture the attention of pretty much everyone across the globe. Mostly because, as one, we wanted to scream at her to PUT THAT TONGUE AWAY. My goodness it is annoying. For SUCH a talented girl — and she really is, I will hear no different — that small matter of a tongue is enough to make us all feel queasy. Stop it lady friend. You are better than this.

It became clear at this point that Miley can act and sing pretty well — and I think she is really pretty and is making some cool style decisions — but she absolutely cannot dance. She really is just unnerving to watch. As she stripped down to her latex bikini, I really wasn't that bothered. I was more concerned by how awkward that whole sexy routine was. It was the opposite of sexy. It was anti-sexy. Which I am pretty sure wasn't her objective. We have become totally immune to the skimpy stage costume. I have discussed this at length before on this blog. I am really not shocked by the minimal amount of clothing on the girl. Nor the crotch fondling or bum shaking. What I am more concerned about it her artifice.

As a Miley fan — and I genuinely like so many of her style choices — I have to say that this performance left me cold. It was disingenuous. I have read a lot about people's disgust at her appropriating black culture and I totally agree. This is not who she is. She is a pretty white girl, rich, talented and smart. She is trying to be seen as a ratchet, ghetto, black girl. Which she is patently not. Maybe because she thinks that being poor is cool, to quote Pulp. Maybe because it is just another one of her 'cultural phases' — I mean she was a punk a few months ago, a culture I objected to her appropriating inaccurately. Maybe because she is trying to find herself. But bless her, she is not going to succeed at that twerking on a global stage, to be fair. I feel really bad for the chick. When she fails, she does so on a massive scale. She was just not very good in her performance at the VMAs because this is not who she is. She was better as a punk, if I am honest. Anyway. I like her. I think she needs to move onto the next thing. I think she needs to stop trying to dance/twerk. I think she really needs to put her tongue away. And I think she needs to stop wearing leggings as pants. Aside from that, I support her 100%. I like her. I want her to succeed and find herself and be amazing. Don't you?