REUTERS/Ivan Burnyashev

I have long warned Ms Halle Berry of her ticket for the Sharon Stone Express that was waiting for her at the counter. Dress after dress has been too short, too cut-away, too tight, too small, just too young for her. She is so frikken beautiful and has a body that most of us would kill for, given half a chance. She obviously has some talent. She seems to be a good mum. She has a super hot fiancée. And so WHY does she wear clothes that make her look desperate and cheap? And so, with this latest unflattering black leather Catherine Malandrino dress that has cut-outs, is too tight and is generally made for a woman half her age, I have drawn the line. Tooot tooot. The Sharon Stone Express has drawn into the station, and we have presented Ms Berry with her first class ticket, and helped her onto the train. She couldn't get on herself in a dress this tight. Away with you, lady. Go and think about what you have done.