Multi-talented Jennifer Lopez was in Paris this week. She attended two of the ready-to-wear shows with her toy-boy Casper Smart, and included her daughter in the Chanel show. To which she wore Chanel, of course. By way of a tiny, frilly, girlie white dress that was slashed to the navel and very, very short. Right. So I'm going to have a problem with this of course, simply because one should never get both the girls and the legs out at the same time. One really doesn't know where to look. But moreover, Jen is just too mature and sophisticated — and DIVA — for this pretty dress. It just isn't right for her fierce magnificence, right?

So she attended a party hosted by Anna Wintour in Paris. In support of Barak Obama's re-election campaign. To which she wore a red Hakaan dress. I thought we had discussed this guys. Red is the wrong colour for a Democrat. Seriously? How does one get this SO WRONG when there are so many colours to choose from? Red is for the opposition, the Republicans. Sigh. Oh, and while we are about it can we just discuss how this dress is stunning. But a size too small, a slit too high, a hair way too big and so much make-up that she has obliterated the best thing about JLo, her GLOW. Gone. Replaced with sheen. Bad sheen. Charlie Sheen.

I know I am ranting. But it didn't get much better yesterday at Valentino. To which JLo wore a marginally more palatable dress. A pink dress. With a bum-cape. and bows. And also, frankly, a smidge too small on the bottom half. I have no words left.

So it'll surprise you to know that I pretty much loved her departure outfit as she flew out of Paris last night. A jumper. A super-cool pair of brogues. And an only slightly questionable pair of cropped wide-leg jeans. Now that's better. Cool.